The Mothman Prophecies

One the best inventions (besides TIVO) is the electric bug swatter. My family was first introduced to this gadget many years ago when my uncle brought back from Taiwan. Since then it’s the go to gadget for killing bugs that happen to sneak into the house. It is especially helpful for a suburban girl like me who cannot kill bugs. Ever try swatting a flyer with an actual fly swatter? It’s impossible. I suppose it’s cruel to kill them rather than release them in the “wild,” but a girl’s got to defend herself too.

About a week ago, the swatter was put to ultimate test when I encountered the biggest moth ever - Mother Moth. I’ve encountered many “mother moths” in my day. Christina has even battled a “Goliath Moth” back in college. This was completely different when I HEARD it before I saw it. I was brushing my teeth and it was crashing around walls. At first I thought it was my pleasantly plump cat Sammy jumping around. As I turned around I saw IT. This thing was so bug I could see the intricate patterns on the wings, and I didn’t even have my contacts on. It flew into the bathroom and I closed the door trapping it inside. I could very well just leave it in there, but I’d have to go back in there in the morning so might as well do something. I ran downstairs to grab the electric swatter. I crept back into the bathroom and spotted Mother Moth perched next to a vanity light. I immediately placed the swatter over the Moth and clicked the electricity button like crazy. I found it strange that there was no spark or at least the usual burnt smell that comes with roasting bugs. Mother Moth then fell into the sink. Great, now I can flush it down the sink. I was so wrong; it started flailing around the sink like crazy leaving behind its gross dust a possible leg. At this point I’m on my knees ducking for dear life.

Mother Moth then flew over me and landed near the toilet. I placed the swatter over it. Whew, no movement. It’s finally dead. It did lose a leg and all. Immediately after, Mother Moth starts spinning!! The thing is indestructible! I’m dry heaving now, this is too much. Finally it stops, but I still have the swatter trapped over it. I grab a huge wad of toilet paper. Come on, if I just grab it and throw it in the toilet everything will be over. As I reach over I realize how enormous girth of this moth. I think I also see eyes. Even with the extra layers I’ll still be able feel the body. For extra insurance I placed a Tilex bottle over it and apply some pressure. Crunch. Finally, in one swoop (and more toilet paper) I grab the Moth and flushed it down the toilet.

Thank goodness for the best and possibly illegal import – the electric bug swatter. It allows wimps like me a fighting chance.