fat cats are cute

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2005-08-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl” is one of the most baffling pieces of music of the modern age. It’s got something to do with cheerleaders—that much is clear, judging from the chanting and the marching band that’s honking and tooting in the background. Beyond that, good luck deciphering the song’s ambiguities. We were so vexed by the mystery that is “Hollaback Girl” that we have devoted countless hours to its study. Our conclusions are below. The first thing you should know, though, is that Gwen is not singing “I ain’t no Harlem fat girl”—at least, we don’t think she is. Read full article.
- Greg Stacy
OC Weekly

Girl, Interrupted

2005-08-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

Pet Peeve number 581:

When a television show is preempted for a sports game. Not even a big game, a pre-season game. This happened twice this week.

Thursday Night
The last episode of ABC’s addictive reality show, “Hooking Up” which follows 11 women through the maze of online dating in New York was replaced by a San Diego Chargers pre-season game. An angry Christina requests I TIVO the last 45 minutes and wonders if they would air it again at a later date. ABC isn’t cable, they won’t air it again. DVDs can be purchased at the ABC online store. But, it’s not worth the money.

Saturday Night
After returning home from a work related BBQ, I’m excited to watch the Saturday installment of “Big Brother 6.” I click over to my “Now Playing List.” Wait a minute, the last episode listed is from Thursday! I click over to the Guide and realize that CBS aired a preseason game of the San Francisco 49ers playing some other team! Christina re-capped and I get updated through the awesome Big Brother hamster watch site. Seeing posted stills of Kaysar from the Big Brother Feed is not the same as watching him give away the Head of Household Challenge. Kasyar, how could you?!

Moving on, I have to mention another example of when the network or local station decided to air a sports game instead of regular programming. Flash back months ago and the Lakers are playing the Clippers. That same game was also played on Fox Sports West and KCAL 9 (the official Lakers channel in Los Angeles). Did they really need to air the game on the WB too? I return home from work and find that “Gilmore Girls” is not on. This was a pivotal episode of last season when Lorelai got into a fight with her mother. Okay, they do that every episode, but this one Lorelai was especially mean. Or so I heard. To make matters worse, the Saturday they were supposed re-air the episode was switched to Thursday. I had no idea and neither did TIVO.

What’s the point of ESPN, Fox Sports or the other dozen channels that air sporting events? I totally understand the big three networks airing finals or semi-finals. Just don’t interrupt regularly scheduled programming and put in games that can be easily shown on a SPORTS channel.

Traveling Pants

2005-08-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Shopping for jeans is never ending. You can have many pairs, but you’ll always be in search of “the one.” I get recommendations on where to get them, what fits the best, or the cutest fade. But, it’s all comes down to personal preference and tolerance.

I’ve never spent more than 100 dollars on jeans, but I can understand why somebody would. You can dress them up or down. They can make your legs skinnier, your butt bigger or smaller. They’re jeans! But, the execution in trying to find your favorite can be exhausting. I really have to mentally prepare myself. The store can’t be cold and many malls stores tend to turn their AC up to the max. Can I get some earmuffs to go with that pair of ridiculously distressed jeans? I just don’t want to try on jeans in a cold environment. It makes the denim feel stiff. Sure I’ll wear jeans outside when it might be cold, but those are jeans that have been broken in. I can’t eat a big meal or feel bloated. That will just cause me to buy a size too large. Then they’ll just stretch and become saggy and unflattering. I need the jeans organized by size or at least folded by size and categories. I’m not a good bargain shopper for that reason. Pillaging through stacks or racks of unorganized clothing is not my forte. I also prefer a store to have a petite section for my short Asian legs.

What makes a good jean for me is, of course, the fit. More importantly the fit around the waist. I favor the low cut jeans, but not too low. It has to hit at a certain point below the belly button, but doesn’t cut into the section right before. If it does, I tend to get a muffin top where the fat spills over the side. But, a good cut jean doesn’t do that to my stomach. Second, is the fit around the butt and the legs. Third is the length. No matter how “short” or “petite” the length is always long for me. Sometimes I hem, other times I just cuff them over. It’s really a lost cause at this point. If you hem too much then you lose the boot cut or the flare. Lastly, is the feel and look of the fabric. I cannot stand starchy jeans. Also, if the fabric has lines it or a cross hatch pattern they tend to be uncomfortable from the inside. It feels like pieces of sand poking at my thighs. I’ve also come to the conclusion that my body is not made for designer jeans. Searching for them at wholesale prices is a futile experience for me. Where the pant is supposed to be tight on the thigh, is tight on my knee. Obviously made for someone taller than 5’.

I go through phases of having the perfect pair, but the feeling and the jean doesn’t last. I find “the one” and wear it constantly. I’ll try to buy the same one but it’s never same. So, I go into the next phase and find the next “one.” Sometimes, I’ll put on the favorite pair from last year and wonder, “Wow, how did I ever wear these? They are so tight/high/ill fitting!” I have a stack of about 10 jeans right now on a chair. I probably only wear 3 of them. One happens to be my favorite right now, the other I call my “saggy butt” jeans. I can only wear them one time after washing because they get really loose. Again, they were good in theory when I tried them on at the store.

I’ll keep searching, trial and error. I’m not discouraged, that’s my jeaneology.

Orange Crushed

2005-06-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

The television season ended a good month ago and I’m still trying to catch up. This is what happens when I decide to leave the country the day before the season finale of “Lost.” Anyway, a quick take on one of my favorite shows and how it fared this season.

The OC
Sad to say, but this season was disappointing. The first season was the like second coming of 90210. My main problem is they brought in way too many new cast members. Then they didn’t know what to do with them. Did we not learn anything from Emily Valentine, Ray Pruit or Gina Kincaid? At least these characters had a purpose. Marissa’s Yard Guy (D.J.) stood around looking even older than Marissa. I think the guy played a married cop on “Third Watch” or something, oh wait it was “Law & Order: SVU.” Ryan's new girlfriend, Lindsay was actually Kirsten’s half sister. This makes everything really weird because Kirsten is Ryan’s sorta Mom. Why make everyone related Josh Schwartz? She was “smart” making her automatically too boring and shipped off to Chicago. Then there was Alex who started off as Seth’s girlfriend, then became Marissa’s, then left because… not sure, but they needed Marissa back with Ryan. They brought in creepy Bill Campbell (with sideburns no less) and let him flirt with Kirsten, gave her a hideous gold necklace, then got the boot. Sure, it sounds exciting, but the execution not so much. See, a lot happened but without much result. They rehashed a triangle with Seth, Summer, and Zach but it worked so much better when it was Seth, Summer and Anna (who I didn’t even like but in hindsight is much better for Seth). Once again, she was shipped off. Where does everyone go? Certainly Chino can’t hold them all.

The producers think the viewers have a short attention span (which we do) so each storyline lasts about 2 episodes. I find this insulting, I’ll keep tuning in as long as the stories are good. Heck, I’ll even tune in if they’re bad. Just carry them through. I think “The OC” was trying to find their footing their second season, but it took too long. The show still had cute and funny Seth and gave Julie Cooper the best lines ever, but that can only go so far. I hope next season they develop the stories a little bit more. I’m not asking for “The West Wing” or anything. The last 3 episodes fared better with the arrival of Ryan’s brother, Trey #2. He attacked Marissa, and then got in a brutal fight with Ryan, only to get shot by Marissa. Whoa. Good stuff right?

I also hope Ben McKenzie masters a few more stares than just the vacant one. Sure it may work for a multitude of situations, “Seth you are annoying me,” “Marissa I think I love you again,” or “I’m going into my fighting mode now.” His one stare is getting a little old. I also STILL can’t believe how much he looks like Russell Crowe. I find myself watching “Gladiator” with “California… here we come…” running through my head. Not so good.

I’m not the only one that felt this way about the second season of “The OC.” Read this.

Ticket to Ride

2005-04-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

I received my first tax refund checks (one Federal and one State) in the mail yesterday. I could have received them sooner had I chosen direct deposit, but I figure it’s more exciting when it comes in the mail. My mom told me to make a copy of the checks, for my records and as a souvenir. I’m using it for a plane ticket to Europe. Watch out gypsy kids in Rome (waiting to rob me) - here I come.

Sixpence None the Richer

2005-03-14T18:21:00.000-08:00

My friends and family have spoiled me when it comes to the bill at the end of the meal. I don’t mind paying extra and my friends and family don’t either. Sometimes, someone will just foot the bill entirely without thinking twice. These are good people.

This generous people bubble burst when I had another birthday lunch with co-workers. The key word here is co-workers and not friends, and I shouldn’t lump the two together. For the “special” day a bunch of us will treat the birthday person for lunch. Usually nothing fancy and whatever the birthday person feels like eating. Like for my birthday we went out for Japanese. Anyone who wanted to come was welcome knowing full well where we were going (via a mass email). I really could care less about the whole thing. I would rather just eat leftovers, but it is tradition. Everyone had a good time, and we got free appetizers.

Flash forward a few weeks later and I’m having lunch with my manager and two girls from accounting. Accounting girl #1 says (in my presence), “You know, I think I paid too much for Karen’s birthday. I only ordered the lunch combo without any sushi. I don’t think we divided the check fairly.” Am I hearing this right? Should I be offended? Everyone knows Japanese is generally more expensive. I blew it off because I know she says things before she thinks. Afterward my manager apologized for what accounting girl said. She agreed the comment was rude too. Accounting Girl #2 didn’t say anything maybe because she’s used to Accounting Girl #1’s tactless style.

Now today we had a birthday lunch for Accounting Girl #2. Accounting Girl #1 prefaced the lunch by reminding everyone to make a mental note of what they ordered and she would calculate the exact percentage everyone needed to pay to cover the bill for the birthday girl. Then she added, “I'm doing this because for Karen’s birthday the bill didn’t come out correct.” What? Oh no she didn’t. Whatever. I’m so over it and her. She actually asked the waitress if she could take the menu back to office. She promised return it after she figured out the bill. It was the actual menu, not the paper take-out kind. Are you joking me? I understand this is between co-workers and not friends. However, you CHOOSE to come out to lunch.

Back at the office she went around to everyone’s cubicle with the menu and calculator in hand asking what everyone ordered. Lady, I know what I ordered, you don’t need to dangle that menu in front of me, “The lunch combo #2, drink was included.” I owed $8.34 and gave her $8.35. Keep the change.

Is she anal or stingy? I think tacky and cheap.

My manager came to conclusion, “She’s so not coming to my birthday lunch.”

The Mothman Prophecies

2005-03-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

One the best inventions (besides TIVO) is the electric bug swatter. My family was first introduced to this gadget many years ago when my uncle brought back from Taiwan. Since then it’s the go to gadget for killing bugs that happen to sneak into the house. It is especially helpful for a suburban girl like me who cannot kill bugs. Ever try swatting a flyer with an actual fly swatter? It’s impossible. I suppose it’s cruel to kill them rather than release them in the “wild,” but a girl’s got to defend herself too.

About a week ago, the swatter was put to ultimate test when I encountered the biggest moth ever - Mother Moth. I’ve encountered many “mother moths” in my day. Christina has even battled a “Goliath Moth” back in college. This was completely different when I HEARD it before I saw it. I was brushing my teeth and it was crashing around walls. At first I thought it was my pleasantly plump cat Sammy jumping around. As I turned around I saw IT. This thing was so bug I could see the intricate patterns on the wings, and I didn’t even have my contacts on. It flew into the bathroom and I closed the door trapping it inside. I could very well just leave it in there, but I’d have to go back in there in the morning so might as well do something. I ran downstairs to grab the electric swatter. I crept back into the bathroom and spotted Mother Moth perched next to a vanity light. I immediately placed the swatter over the Moth and clicked the electricity button like crazy. I found it strange that there was no spark or at least the usual burnt smell that comes with roasting bugs. Mother Moth then fell into the sink. Great, now I can flush it down the sink. I was so wrong; it started flailing around the sink like crazy leaving behind its gross dust a possible leg. At this point I’m on my knees ducking for dear life.

Mother Moth then flew over me and landed near the toilet. I placed the swatter over it. Whew, no movement. It’s finally dead. It did lose a leg and all. Immediately after, Mother Moth starts spinning!! The thing is indestructible! I’m dry heaving now, this is too much. Finally it stops, but I still have the swatter trapped over it. I grab a huge wad of toilet paper. Come on, if I just grab it and throw it in the toilet everything will be over. As I reach over I realize how enormous girth of this moth. I think I also see eyes. Even with the extra layers I’ll still be able feel the body. For extra insurance I placed a Tilex bottle over it and apply some pressure. Crunch. Finally, in one swoop (and more toilet paper) I grab the Moth and flushed it down the toilet.

Thank goodness for the best and possibly illegal import – the electric bug swatter. It allows wimps like me a fighting chance.

IQ 180

2005-02-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

When did kids stop being kids? Kids today with their after school tutoring, piano, violin, soccer, etc. I need to call in advance to take my 10 year old cousin out to the movies. During the week she has after school tutoring plus her piano practice. During the weekend she has actual piano class with the occasional competition. I need to schedule something at least a week in advance. The poor kid is so busy she still hasn’t watched the “Spiderman 2” DVD she asked for Christmas.

My co-worker asked me to look at the website of a learning center his friend owns. I think it is in hopes to recruit me as an instructor. As I was browsing the courses and schedules I noticed that some classes are on weekends. Saturdays from 11:00 am to 1:30 pm. This is a travesty. These are peak hours for playing or winding down after watching Saturday morning cartoons (followed by some “Soul Train” which signaled the end of the cartoons for the day). Not to learn pre-Algebra. I spent a good 2 years of my Saturdays at an art class painting landscapes and eating French fries during break time.

This just means I’m getting old. I remember my older cousins being appalled at the fact that I took a SAT prep class in high school. But now, kids are taking these prep classes in 1st grade. What’s happening here? By the way, do these parents know some of these classes are being taught by embezzling vote rigging ex-high school class presidents?

Don’t these kids get tired? I was spoiled and parents never pushed me. I never learned piano (after much opposition coupled with crying and pleading). Academics were enforced, but most of it was of my own will. Maybe if my parents were strict I’d be a successful adult? But then I wouldn’t know the “Tiny Toons” theme song, lines from “Saved by the Bell,” or that Jessica and Elizabeth are from the Sweet Valley High series of books.

Is my life in a cubicle, shrouded in a cable-knit sweater/business casual existence because I didn’t go to Kumon? I guess I’ll never know. But, if you want to know who played the kid the 1979 film “The Champ,” I’m your girl.

Debbie Downer

2004-12-13T23:18:00.000-08:00

I was forced to attend a Christmas banquet for insurance agents and I lived, but barely. My first impression was that it wasn’t so bad. There was a bar (although I was perfectly content with my Sprite) and free food. I sat at the company table with people I see everyday, but just in a different setting. Not in their office or cubicle. There was small talk with agents whom I’ve only spoken on the phone with or emailed. I received a lot of “So, you’re Karen. You’re so young!” I smile and nod and do the usual, “Yeah, I know.” Food was standard; I didn’t care for the bacon wrapped around my filet mignon. My co-worker took the bacon and scolded me for not eating it. Throughout dinner we were serenaded by a Korean guy singing Josh Groban covers. Sue from accounting thought he was cheesy and subsequently ruined her favorite song. This is why I cannot be friends with my co-workers. They listen to Josh Groban. He’s like one step above Clay Aiken.

After dinner, the official entertainment was introduced. Techno music was played and a middle aged Korean man in tuxedo emerged and said something along the lines of “I’m going to be your pimp tonight. You listen to me.” I don’t understand Korean but apparently he was speaking English according to Sue. The Korean “Entertainer,” and I use this term lightly, forced people to get up on stage and do the limbo for prizes. The prizes were wrapped and I can only assume they were clock radios. People volunteered to go up and fall on their backs trying to win novelties, including two of my co-workers. Go team!

The night got progressively worse when the Entertainer broke the room into sections and made people bark to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Yeah, I was having no part of it and left for the bathroom when I knew my section was up. I returned to find the Entertainer recruiting members of each section for an Elvis competition. Yeah, you heard me right, an Elvis competition. Among the competitors was someone from my company. Talk about company loyalty. The Entertainer took out wigs and glam Elvis sunglasses and made them lip synch to Elvis tunes. That sound isn’t Elvis rolling in his grave because Lisa Marie sold half his fortune, it’s 5 Korean dudes gyrating to “Jailhouse Rock.” What’s even worse is that the Elvis’s (?) Elvi (?) had to return the wigs and glasses. The Entertainer re-uses them for other corporate functions! How gross.

I don’t mean to be party pooper or a person that “lets the team down” but I absolutely hate being forced to participate. I hate ice breakers and things that require me to make a fool of myself, even if others are doing exactly the same thing. Don’t try to drag me up and make me feel guilty that I’m not being a back-up dancer for my company Elvis. Isn’t it enough that I spent my Wednesday evening watching something I didn’t find remotely entertaining or funny? I missed the repeat showing of the “Lost” pilot! Give me people surviving a plane crash on a weird island with an ex-hobbit and ex-Salinger over people screaming the chorus to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” any day. Whoo. Whoo. Whoo.

Must See "OC"

2004-11-04T01:44:00.000-08:00

Finally. The new season of "The OC" starts tonight.

Will Ryan make the 20 minute trek back to Newport? How far was Seth able to sail in that tiny floating device of a boat without water, food, sunscreen, or a waterproof jacket? Will Marissa actually eat something or learn how to deliver a line?

2004-11-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

I was helping Amy (my 9-year-old cousin) this evening with her homework. Naturally, we started talking about the election.

Me: Did you do a mock vote in class?
Amy: Yeah.
Me: Who did you vote for?
Amy: George Bush.
Me: Really? Why George Bush?
Amy: I don’t know, because he looks better than Kerry. Kerry’s face is too oval.
Me: So you voted for Bush because he looks better than Kerry?
Amy: Pretty much. But then I saw a picture of George Bush in the newspaper today and he looked like a monkey.

I Tunes.

2004-10-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

During my Saturday of sports, I was the selected driver for the event. Now, I have the biggest car so naturally this feat on me. I’m okay with this. What’s not okay is complaints about my selection of music. It’s one thing to have my close friends complain that my music isn’t lively. It’s another when it’s the uninvited peanut gallery (a boyfriend who hitches a ride with girlfriend’s friends so he doesn’t have to ride on the stinky beer bus back).

His remark - don’t you have any "guy music"? Now, that’s a broad term if you ask me. What is "guy music"? I know guys that listen to the Postal Service. What he means is, "don’t you have any music that sounds like something we play during beer runs and keg stands?" No, I don’t have any Nickleback or Godsmack.

My selection of Daves Son, Coldplay, and Jason Mraz just wasn’t up to par. The "liveliest" piece of music I had was Justin Timberlake and the "Freaky Friday" soundtrack. As a last resort, we flipped to the radio. The first request was to change the station. My Indie 103.1 wasn’t going to work either. We settled on KIIS FM because someone said, "Oh, stay here I like this song." Folks, we kept it on KIIS for the punk princess herself, Avril Lavigne.

I think it’s rude to complain about a driver’s music. You’re in their car. I’ve had to deal with riding in co-workers cars whose musical taste range from smooth jazz to Mario Winans. I’ve held my tongue. It isn’t my place to request they change to something I like.

Isn’t a person’s car the same as someone’s house? You don’t go to someone’s house demanding they change the arrangement of their furniture. Does Miss Manners have a chapter on this? Would it be under "The Do’s and Don’ts to being a good passenger"? If there isn’t, I can write the chapter.

U-C-L-A, fight, fight, fight.

2004-10-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

I don’t like sports. I don’t like watching it, playing it, or talking about it. It’s basically a foreign language to me. I know it’s so cliché, the girly girl isn’t into sports. You’d think I would be. I grew up with a father who is a basketball fanatic. My basketball timeline goes something like this: around age 5 my father would hog the only television in our house at the time and not allow me to watch "Snow White" on BETA. When I was at 6th grade camp, I made my sister tape all the shows I was going to miss that week. My persuasive 3rd grader sister managed to tape the "Donna Martin Graduate" episode of 90210 probably causing my dad to miss his first Laker game ever since becoming a fan. Flash forward to my high school graduation. My dad is nowhere to be found. The plan was to meet by the goal post on the field. The lights dimmed and my family was the only ones still milling around waiting for my father who had to camera to take a final family photo. My father was in the car listening to a game on the radio. Yes, my father missed my high school graduation for a basketball game.

So, what does this have to do with UCLA vs. Arizona game I attended? Nothing really, but I had to find some sort of sports connection and basketball is all I have. My college roommates came down for a visit this weekend. For some reason, we decided to go the game. Actually, I know the reason, it’s because two of the girls have boyfriends and there was no way the fellas would go jeans shopping on Third Street.

Here are the reasons why 4 disinterested girls should never attend another football game. Or maybe why I should never attend another game.

- When I arrived at 11 a.m., the girls were still getting ready. One of them has changed her outfit 3 times.

- As "tailgating" food we brought a baguette, cheese spreads, and fruit.

- Car is packed and we’re ready to go. "Does anyone actually know how to get to the Rose Bowl?"

- The first quarter is almost over when we arrive.

- Fifty percent of my time was used trying to flag down the cotton candy vendor. The other was negotiating with Jaime if we should get a Churro before or after Halftime.

- "I think this is going to be really loud." Jaime’s observation of the 40 high school marching bands that have paraded onto the field for a "Disco" medley during the halftime show.

- I was bummed because we didn’t get to the Card show during Halftime. Probably because the marching bands took so much time playing "Y.M.C.A."

- Doing the UCLA 8 clap is only fun the first time - 4 years ago.

- Getting hit for the 5th time by a Dooney and Burke purse of a Delta Gamma Phi Beta Kappa Sister is bad. Then hearing her half hearted, "Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry honey" is even worse.

-Getting possible heat stroke or dehydration from sitting in the sun.

I forget what the final score was because we left early to battle the traffic. Unfortunately, we still spent 30 minutes weaving out of the Rose Bowl.

UCLA won, and I lost.

War of the Cubicles

2004-09-05T01:56:00.000-07:00

I told myself, "Don’t write about work." Yet, here I am writing about work on a weekend. What is wrong with me? Anyway, here goes. Work has been crazy. After I returned from my wonderful vacation in New York, it was announced my manager was quitting. My department has 3 people, my manager, my other manager/supervisor, and me. So one person leaving is a big deal. So, it was done and that Friday we had a company lunch and cake. Isn’t that sad? You work for a company for 8 years and all you get is a catered lunch in the conference room plus a Chinese cake that says "Best Wishes" in that hot pink gel writing. Then she was gone leaving my other manager to salvage whatever was left.

A week later began the company re-structuring. This is what it means. I had to move to another cubicle. Yes, the second largest cubicle on the second floor, easy access to the fax machines and printers was no longer mine. My remaining manager got promoted and moved into the corner office of the departed manager. I was told to move into the cubicle next to that office, the second smallest. It’s not only the smallest but also the darkest. Sure I have a window, but the cubicle wall covers most of it. Everyone was trying to convince me it was bigger and I had a "window view" now. More like a "partial" of the parking lot. Bastards.

Even worse is that my "favorite" person, HAGO ("Have A Good One") Guy gets my cubicle. He knew my disdain for the move and would walk by me with comments like, "Wow, Karen you get a window and a filing cabinet!" Yes, A filing cabinet that I constantly crash into whenever I back out of my chair. Then, he would ask when I was moving my stuff. The nerve! I politely responded, "I can’t move until later today probably around 5. I have way too much work right now." I must have said this 3 times to him. You know why? Because he is one of those people, that can only hear himself. He loves the sound of his voice, so anything you say he’s not really processing. He’s merely waiting for the opportunity to hear himself respond. He would interject, "Well, the faster you move, the faster I can move and then the person who’s moving to my cubicle can move as well. It’s all on you Karen."

I moved out as planned and it took me about an hour. It’s been 3 days since I’ve moved to my cubicle. Surprise, surprise – HAGO Guy hasn’t moved yet. The last I saw his inbox tray was the only thing on his new desk. It’s not even the inbox tray he stole from me. What a bastard.

I’m officially in the club, work sucks.

The Banshees + 2 in NYC: A Series of Unfortunate Events

2004-08-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

It’s been a week since New York and I think I’m still recovering. I’m recuperating from the fact that I’m not there anymore. I want to go back. I need another vacation. It was a crazy four day adventure complete with onion flavored cheesecake and near deaths on the Expressway to JFK airport (“Up yours amigo!!”).

There are some many inside jokes that writing a posting about this trip would be futile. It just wouldn’t capture what it was. Nobody else would find extreme humor in being soaking wet from the rain and watching our 4th choice show “The Producers” from partial view seats. Or turning around and realizing your friend didn’t make it through the treacherous doors of the subway. The horror of seeing Cindy left on the platform and me moving forward will remain with me forever.

The irony is this trip was planned out to the extreme. Excel spreadsheets were composed. Itineraries and back up plans were implemented. Yet, with all our planning we couldn’t predict the mishaps that would inevitably shape the best and most memorable moments of our trip. What we pray wouldn’t happen, of course did. Rain, “Wicked” being sold out, no crème Brule, looking like total tourist (ahem) “visitors” while the natives barked at us, or getting lost in Central Park. With these minor unfortunate events, we complained (of course) but also laughed them off. Never has the phrase, “It’s not where you go but who you’re with” been so true.

When people ask me how New York was I can only muster a, “It was really fun.” Not because I don’t want to share being attacked by pigeons in Times Square but it just couldn’t capture the chaos and hilarity. Why bother if the reaction I’ll get is a blank smile or a “sounds fun.”

For this trip, I wouldn’t change anything. Except maybe extend the stay an extra two days, more naps, and definitely dress up for Nobu Next Door. Showing up at the “no reservations needed but you still have to look cute hot spot” with shopping bags and bumping into Kevin Kline and the still uber-beautiful Phoebe Cates just shames me.

A tip though, travel in a group of 4 like minded funny people (or 3 like minded with the fourth being normal and the voice of reason *Cindy*) and you’ll have the best time ever.

Boy, Oh Boy!

2004-08-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

In exactly one week I’ll be New York. Many people have asked, “Are you excited about your trip?” My response usual response is, “yeah” or “uh huh.” Then I usually get a “that’s it?” look. As in, you don’t sound very excited or eager.

The thing is, I don’t express excitement. I might say, “I’m excited” but it’s no the full fledged exclamation, “OH YES! I’M GOING ON VACATION, AND I’M GOING TO NEW YORK!!” I don’t think it’s necessary and I think the majority of people just don’t care. I’ve only told two people at work, my manager (she had to sign my vacation consent form) and another co-worker who saw “Karen on vacation” listed on the August calendar and asked me. She then shared pictures of her on when she went to New York in 2000 along with her cruise trip to Ensenada, Mexico. I zoned out after the fifth picture of her posing on some deck. Is that mean?

I’m just not showy person. I have excitement on the inside. My excitement is expressed through organizing itineraries and researching on City Search and Frommer’s. If I feel inspired to research and coordinate then you know most definitely I’m thrilled.

It’s like when Miranda on “Sex and the City” found out she was having a boy. Everyone she told was giddy with, “A boy! Miranda a boy!” Miranda could only muster up an awkward and fake smile.

Maybe this goes into why I’m not a hugger. I don’t initiate hugs. Or why I’m often described as “quiet.” I’m quiet because I just don’t want to talk to you.

Just know - I am excited about New York. I just won’t dance around and sing about it.

You don't have to take my word for it.

2004-08-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

What books have you re-read?

According to a study by the American Library Association, “The Color Purple” ranks among the fiction most commonly re-read. Others include the Harry Potter books, the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” and Shakespeare’s plays.
“I think books that get re-read have characters or scenes or lessons that people want to go back to again and again,” says Neal Wyatt, the head of an ad hoc ALA committee that analyzed what books are re-read.

A short list of notable novels I have re-read:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. This was my favorite book in fourth grade and I must have read it every summer until 9th grade. I have a hardcover edition my aunt gave me when she went to visit Alcott's home. She stuck Fall leaves in between the pages. A tiny piece of heaven for a 10 year old.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. First in high school and then three times in college. It’s not one of favorites but I like the style. Plus anything that my high school English teacher Mrs. Meadows assigned I loved.

Romeo and Juliet, Twelfth Night, and the Merchant of Venice. For obvious reasons, I was an English major.

Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. Gawd knows why I’ve had to read this twice. However, it’s actually good and I like it more than Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Maybe it’s the unconventional unhappy ending that appeals to me. Tess is pregnant and forced to work on a farm all within the first half of the book. Very ahead of it’s time.

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. This one I’ve read repeatedly especially the Benjy section. I’ve written two essays on it and it’s one of my favorite books. Like Gatsby I must have read it at least three times in college. I even took certain American Literature classes because it was assigned on the syllabus. I just wanted to see what the professor had to say about it.

The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot. It may be poem but it’s an awesome piece that requires many readings. It’s the quintessential modernist work. It reads like sproadic pieces, but is highly organized with references and symbolism galore.

Wow, it seems the ones I’ve listed are novels I’ve been forced to read. There’s more, but in my current state of mind mush I can’t muster up more.

What about books you can’t read again?

Revisiting an old favorite can enrich your appreciation of it — or destroy it. Saricks says she was “horrified” when she went back to Hemingway. Mystery writer Lawrence Block loved reading James T. Farrell as a child, but as an adult found the prose “leaden.” Minot had an even more disappointing reunion with Thomas Wolfe’s verbose “You Can’t Go Home Again.”
“I read that in high school and it was incredible,” she said. “But when I looked at it again, I thought, ‘Oh, no.’ It didn’t hold up. I read just one page and I quickly closed up the book.”

For me, I don’t know if can go back to The Catcher in the Rye. I read this my junior year in high school and appropriately was brimming with teenage angst. Or as angsty as I can get. Beloved by Toni Morrison is another I can’t pick up again. The writing is amazing but it’s just plain creepy and disturbing. Watching the movie with Oprah doesn’t make it any better. The visual images are even scarier than I imagined.

It Hurts My Heart

2004-08-01T23:56:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Kat and I went to get haircuts in Santa Monica. Afterward, we wanted to meet up with my old college roommate for dim sum. As I was parking into a tiny compact space I felt a light thump. Oh crap, I hit the parking pole. I immediately jumped out and realized that the right side of my bumper was scratched. Not just one scratch, but many scratches embedded into my bumper. Paint was taken off! To top it all off, the restaurant was closed for construction and my old roommate wanted me to go to another place for dim sum. Fabulous.

When I went home I told my dad and he just laughed. He laughed at my misfortune! He simply shrugged, “It happens to every new car.” Quite the contrary Pops, it shouldn’t happen to my car. Both my parents laughed and asked if I cried or if I had a heart attack. Yes to both, my heart did stop and I’m still crying on the inside. My dad tried waxing the damage off, but it was useless. I curse myself for being so careless.

Banshee came over on the way to Justin’s final day of filming. She said the car damage wasn’t that bad, but this was inside the dim garage. When we came back after filming my dad asked if he noticed that he fixed my car? What? No. My “brilliant” father used a Sharpie black marker and colored in the scratches. Now, from a garage, it’s fine. But, in the daylight it looks just like that - a brown marker over scratches.

This whole state of affairs really pains me. I take pride in keeping my material possessions nice and new. I have Hello Kitty stickers circa 1986 still in its plastic.

I’m going to look into getting some touch up paint. Or black nail polish from Hot Topic as Banshee suggested. If all fails, I’m definitely going to the body shop to have them fix it. I don’t care if they laugh at me as my father says they will.

It’s my car and I’ll cry if I want to, you would cry too if it happened to you.

Etc.

2004-07-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

My film resume reads as:

Casting Assistant – The Conrad Boys (2004)
Girl in Bathroom Line #2 – The Conrad Boys (2004)

A new addition to the list:

Craft Services – The Conrad Boys (2004)

Filming continues on Justin’s writing, producing, acting, and directorial debut. Today’s location was a diner. Justin’s early phone message with the location name and address proved difficult to decipher. Entcetra? Actcentra? We can’t hear that fast. It turned out to be “Eggs Etc.”

Upon arrival we were told to help Eduardo (the DP) with yelling commands (i.e. “rolling” or “cameras up”). We really botched this assignment. I think I was too distracted with the heat and the smell of the dumpsters. Or maybe it was the beauty of Nick Bartson, the actor playing Jordan. More on him later. I think Eduardo and Justin sensed our inability to follow directions and instructed us to help Justin’s Mom with setting up food.

You know you hit the big time when one can cut turkey AND roll it up. I was quite proud of our set up. We had one station for coffee and drinks and another for food. Crackers and bread were arranged around turkey rolls. Also, pat on our backs for saving the crew from some unfortunate food poisoning. One of the cheese platters had mold on it (!) Now I know you can just cut mold off the cheese, but that’s just gross. We’re not living in the 1820’s when meat had to be cured.

The rest of the day was spent watching one scene being shot, but from many different angles. I loved this part of it. This is what I wanted to see, Justin in action and on camera. Justin was great as always, but Nick (the beauty) was really amazing. In the scene Jordan flirts with Justin’s character Charlie. Nick as Jordan is really convincing at it. His “flirting” made me blush and giggle and I was sitting at the craft service table swatting flies.

Christina’s first impression of Nick was that he was arrogant and seemed above everyone. This was taken back when he complimented the humus and actually made an effort to talk to us. This was fleeting because I think he started to notice the constant staring Christina and I were doing. Or maybe he caught Kat mouthing “I love you.” He stopped making comments when grabbing food and then just stopped talking to us altogether. Nick did get some deductions for spitting, saying “7-up” after finishing a scene (still don’t get it), and bolting without saying good bye to us. Points were added when he took an apple and washed it, and used the paper towel to grab the handle of the bathroom door. Believe me - this is big when most of the guys on the crew reached for unclean grapes with dirty hands.

It’s no lie when people in the industry say filming is unglamorous. Yes, I consider myself part of the “industry” because I served some bread.

Filming continues next Sunday. Read Couch Banshee’s blog for her take on the day.

Hamburglared

2004-07-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

Between the early morning hours of 12 am and 10 am of July 21, Kat’s car was broken into. Stolen items included her car radio, Disneyland employee’s pea coat, Addias shoes she got for free, her car kit, and her Jan Sport backpack.

Needless to say, the burglars are complete morons. Kat’s Disney coat is XX small and her Addias shoes are a women’s size 6. The contents of her backpack were a bottle of Advil and a bunch of Always heavy and thin pads. The car kit contained a Leather man, tire pressure gauge, and flashlight. The flashlight was broken and turned up in the trunk of another car that was also vandalized. The tire pressure instrument was found on the passenger seat of Kat’s car, possibly because they didn’t know what it was for. Idiots.

Even the Irvine police agreed. Officer Giannini of the Irvine PD exclaimed, “That’s sacrilegious” when told that the Disney jacket had been stolen. Fingerprints were dusted and items were noted. The chances of finding the culprits are slim. Officer Giannini concluded, “The burglars are probably from Anaheim. We see a lot of these types of crimes happening there.” Ha. Officer Giannini has jokes.

If you spot someone wearing a heavy wool XX small pea coat, baby blue Addias’s, carrying a blue Jan Sport backpack brimming with Always pads (with wing protection), and swinging a Leather man - please contact authorities.

Smelly Cat

2004-07-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...

They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses.

Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!

- Pheobe from "Friends"

I love dogs and cats. What I don’t love are pets that smell or lack good grooming. It’s obvious a pet is a reflection of the owners. If your dog smells like ass, maybe there’s something wrong with you. Do you not smell it? Or do you smell like that yourself?

Unlike cats that clean themselves, dogs need the extra grooming. There’s nothing worse than seeing a dirty dog with crap stuck all over his fur. In college, my roommate’s boyfriend kept a huge dog in his frat house, specifically in his tiny room he shared with a roommate. This room was small and beds had to be lofted up to fit desks and a couch. Anyway, the dog was some sort of Australian sheep dog. He was a big lumbering dog named Buck. Buck wasn’t taken out for walks much. Random drunk people liked to feed him human food, anything from cheesecake to hot wings. You can only imagine the intestinal and bowel problems stemming from the consumption of such human food.

Since Buck’s owner was often busy he didn’t give Buck proper maintenance. One time I was walking back from campus I saw my roommate walking Buck. Actually it looked like he was walking her. The poor dog didn’t get out much and was so excited. We stopped to chat and I saw that Buck had feces stuck all over his fur. My roommate informed me that when she found him it was actually worse and she had to rake the stuff off him. She used an actual garden rake. As we were chatting one guy actually brushed passed Buck’s hind area. He brushed past the dried dog poop. The poor guy didn’t even know what hit him. My roommate gave a look and exclaimed, “I think I better go take him back now.”

The point is, take care of your pet. There’s nothing worse than petting a dog and then realizing your hand smells from it. Or petting it and wondering why it’s wet. Keep the fur nice and soft. You can always tell a cat is dirty when the fur feels dusty. If your pet smells, chances are you’re probably doing something wrong in your own grooming department. Smelly cat indeed.

The Kids Stay in the Picture

2004-07-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

After reading Couch Banshee’s eloquent and hilarious post on Friday night’s filming of “The Conrad Boys” there’s not much I can add. Here’s my feeble take.

Pan Out Please!
Now I know the definition of a “wide angle.” It’s the camera pointing less than 12 inches from my huge moon face. I really have no desire of even seeing the back of my head in this movie. Justin assured me that the camera wasn’t too close, but he has nice hair and looks good on camera. There’s a reason why the likes of Winona Ryder and Kate Beckinsale are in movies, and that’s reason enough why I’m not. However, if I end up looking like the troll that I suspect, then I know Peter Jackson was missing out on one Asian hobbit when casting “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.

“Come on! What’s taking so long?”
That’s my cue in the bathroom line scene to look over at Christina, shake my head, and look annoyed. Sounds easy enough right? Once you tell me to “act” irritated, I’m a hopeless case. I purposely avoided looking at Christina for fear that I’d start cracking up and lose it. I was also juggling standing next to a decorative plate hanging on the wall. I hope it’s not obvious on film that every time Justin pushes past me, I lunge for the plate so it doesn’t fall. This wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have to stand on an apple box. I wonder if Tobey Maguire had to stand on one when he stood next to Kirsten Dunst in “Spider-man,” Charlize Theron in “The Cider House Rules,” or Seabiscuit in “Seabiscuit.”

Wahoo it’s a party! People, be loud but not too loud.
I was excluded from most of the outside party scene,for which I was grateful. I’m already awkward at real parties. In the few party scenes I was in, I was making small talk with a really tall gay guy. When we were instructed to walk to another part of the scene or “swipe” he uncomfortably tried to hold my hand. To a smaller degree this is probably what it was like for Katie Holmes as Joey to be smitten with Dawson or James “the Forehead” Van Der Beek. ( Sidebar: James Van Deer Beek is now happily married, but his character on Dawson’s Creek is another story).

That’s a Wrap!
Filming was finished rather quickly. Perhaps due to the fact that we waltzed in late and didn’t get enough quality time with Justin. Does 3 hugs in one night from Justin count as too many? I think Kat got 4 because she hugged him twice when we first arrived. There was a “Justin! It’s been forever!” Hug. “Oh my gosh! I missed you!” A squeal followed by another hug. Sincere Hollywood schmoozing.

Extra Credits
While we were watching the party scene being filmed, Kat and Christina decided to eat some tacos at craft services (the kitchen counter). Kat said eating those taco was like eating air, it wasn’t filling enough for her. For much of this time a blacklisted extra was talking to us. Actually he was mostly trying to talk to Kat. As my sister was washing her hands the extra stood next to her holding something behind his back. Kat asked, “Oh hey, is that a towel?” The extra said, “Uh, actually no it’s my jacket, but you can use it.” Here’s why Kat thought it was a towel - it was a white poncho. Not even technically white more gray and yellow. I find this hilarious because A) It was mistaken for a towel B) Kat didn’t want to use it because it was stained and defeated the purpose of washing her hands C) He went on some long explanation of how he got this poncho in Mexico D) He was wearing a PONCHO. Comedy. Anyway, I wasn’t present for this towel/poncho exchange because I was too busy chasing out a stinky little dog that followed me into the bathroom.

I look forward to the rest of filming especially with my partner in crime, Girl in Bathroom Line #3.

2004-07-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

…but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.

- Milton Waddams
from "Office Space"

Here’s my obligatory I hate my job posting. In the broad scheme of things, my job isn’t that horrible. I’m not getting dirty, lifting heavy objects or even dealing with obnoxious customers. However, it’s generic and probably like many jobs across the country. I might as well be working at Initech.

I’m peeved over completely moronic and senseless aspects of working at this type of job. When I first came into this company, the previous employer in this position had the second largest cubicle in the office. She fully stocked this desk with all the supplies needed. She even labeled her hole-puncher, stapler, tape dispenser, and staple remover with her name. Consequently, I was very lucky. Oh yes, lucky because I have a stapler and staple remover. Life is good. However, I suspect all my great office amenities are slowly being taken away from me. Let me go through this short list which I believe will grow.

The Label Maker
On the right side of my cube there are two large suspended selves with covers. I only use them to store my folders and rarely go into these things. However, unbeknownst to me a label maker was stored in one of these shelves. Before I could even discover it (and make my own nifty name labels) the device was swiped from my cube and is now downstairs at someone else’s desk. Oh well, I didn’t know I had it, this doesn’t sting that much.
Pointless Annoyance Rating: 1. Scale from 1-5.

Stackable Desk Trays (or “inboxes”)
I have a co-worker who I’ve named the Have a Good One Guy. He likes to say goodbye with “Have a Good One.” He’s also extremely friendly and loves to chat with everyone in the office (re: kiss ass). He’s new and will leave soon to head up the Nevada branch of our company. The worst and only available cubicle was given to him, and he started with no supplies. Yesterday he asked if I was using all my desk trays. Actually his exact words, “I’ve noticed you have a few of these trays. If you’re not using all of them, can you spare some?” Fine, I know I have four, but I use two and the other I store things I’m going to follow up on. So technically, I do use all them. Since I’m a pushover and I never think before I agree, I enthusiastically reply, “Oh yeah sure, you can take two of them.” I scanned the office and noticed the cubicle across from me has 11 of these trays. He even has them stacked up in fours. Why does HAGO guy have to hit me up for extra trays? His neighbor has 11!
PAR: 3

Scissors
My scissors are gone. Since I’m close to the fax and copy machine, people will come to my desk and use my scissors. That’s okay as long as you put them back. However, I was cleaning up my work space yesterday and noticed the scissors were gone. I went to look for them and found them on HAGO guy’s desk. I thought maybe he was still using them and he would put them back when he’s done. This morning I walked in and saw my scissors in his pen holder!
PAR: 5

Should I confront HAGO? What’s the proper conduct for claiming items that aren’t even technically mine, but in my world of office politics are?

By the way, my Swingline is black.

Oh My Gaudy

2004-06-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

A moment of silence please, I’m retiring my gold cell phone. Let me preface, the phone is not all over gold, just the front and back plate is gold. It’s not really even GOLD; it has more of a golden sheen. Anyway, some would say it clashes with the rest of the silver body and not even the added adornment of a silver cat can help it. Others (Christina) would simply shake their head and say, “Karen, it’s gold.”

Well, my cell phone contract came up, unbeknownst to me. I share a family plan with my dad. It really doesn’t make any sense because I should be on a plan with my sister. Instead, my sister is on a separate two year plan with my mom. I dunno. My dad calls me from the cell phone store on Sunday while I am still sleeping and asks if I need a camera on my cell phone. I mumble, “no.” My only stipulation is that my number not change.

Who knew changing to a new phone would be so hard? My new phone has no front window displaying the date and time, who’s calling, or missed calls. Now when someone calls I have to actually open the phone. What a hassle! Since there’s no camera I can’t put my cat Sammy as the front wall paper. The two buttons that allow me to “call” or “hang up” are the opposite of my old phone. I have to reprogram all the phone numbers because the SIM card isn’t compatible. We switched carriers; I’m not with T-Mobile anymore. This brings me to the ring tone. I love the T-Mobile ring. I love the ring on my golden hued phone. Since I’m with AT&T now, I can’t have that ring tone. The ring tones on the new phone are annoying and loud. There’s a tone titled “Cat Dance” and it sounds like a cat in pain. I love cats, but even I can’t use that.

I’m actually without a phone because my T-Mobile account expired today and the new AT&T account isn’t active yet (last time I checked). I woke up in confused state this morning to find my golden phone without service and my new phone still “searching” for service. I couldn’t handle it so I left both phones at home. My purse actually feels different with the absence of a cell phone. How did I become so dependent on a cell phone? I barely got a cell phone last year and now I feel empty without one. This is truly sad, I never thought I’d turn into those people completely dependent on their electronic gizmos. Those two way paging, constant cell phone blabbing people. I have become one of those people. I text message dumb things, I talk obscenely loudly on my phone everywhere. I take my phone wherever I go. When I get to work the first thing I do besides turn on my computer is take my cell phone out of my purse. What a sad state of affairs. Shoot me if I start referring to it as a "celly."

I’m thinking of exchanging my phone for the one with a camera. Not because I want the camera, but because I want to have the window displaying the time and date.

I don’t do well with change. Farewell my golden phone.

Cool dvd news.

2004-06-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

"Undeclared" is headed to dvd according to this week's double issue of Entertainment Weekly. The dvd set will include commentaries, deleted scenes, and bloopers. Would we expect anything less from Judd Apatow?

This is no turkey sandwich.

2004-06-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

I know I promised I wouldn't write about meals, but this is not the soup and salad variety. For dinner last night I had Brazilian BBQ. A waiter walks around with a meat on a stick and cuts what you want. All kinds of meat and I mean all kinds. For the first time in my life I ate alligator. It looked like fish and, I swear, tasted like chicken.

Did I want to know?

2004-06-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Alanis Morissette is engaged to cutie Ryan Reynolds of “National Lampoons: Van Wilder” and “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place” fame.

They’ve been dating for over two years and Morissette has used Reynolds as a muse for many of her recent “happier love songs.” This is quite a departure from those angry girl tunes of the 90’s. Here's the shocker - According to EW, “Full House” actor Dave Coulier is credited as the inspiration for her song "You Oughta Know." No way! Uncle Joey was the guy behind that song? That’s just wrong on so many levels. Remember the fifth line of that song? Mmm hmm, exactly.

Crazy Lady

2004-06-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

My mom is crazy. Crazy Lady as I like to call her now. I love her, but she’s insane.

Last night I settled into my TV chair anticipating watching a full episode of “Arrested Development.” Then my mom barked from upstairs, “Are you done eating? Okay, come with me to the Korean Supermarket. I’ll drive. You go in and get the stuff for me. All I need is Persian Cucumbers.” I mumbled, “Huh?” This is my usual response even though I clearly hear her. People across the Pacific Ocean could probably hear her.

“Come on hurry up, you don’t need to change just go in your pjs. I can’t go in like this.” Crazy Lady had just finished running on the treadmill and was wearing her biker shorts circa 1991 and my sister’s old FILAS from junior high. I guess me in nearly shear pj pants and an old Eddie Bauer shirt fared better. Now, when someone forces me to hurry up, I’ll be two times slower. Call it the three-year-old in me. I leisurely ran upstairs to change into sweat pants and grab a sweatshirt. All this while Crazy Lady was starting the car and yelling, “We only have 15 minutes! The store closes at 10!” She couldn’t have done this during the day? Of course, I bit my tongue. If I said anything she’d go into a tirade about the clothes on my back and the roof over my head.

We sped to the market and arrive just as the employees were cleaning up and checking out the last few customers. I guess they really needed random vegetables too. Crazy Lady said I could pick some fruit while I was there. The last thing the market employees need is some frazzled girl drumming melons and sniffing oranges when all they want to do is go home. Isn’t it wrong to pick through peaches and apples when they’ve been carefully stacked for the next days customers? When I got back into the car Crazy Lady had the nerve to say the cucumbers I picked were too soft. They were all soft! It’s a bad batch, live with it! The whole event took maybe a total of ten minutes. A few minutes were added when my mom nearly plowed over a bike rider making a right turn screaming that she had the right of way.

Yes, that’s Crazy Lady and she’s my mom.

The Simple Life

2004-06-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

I signed up for life insurance yesterday. I literally signed away my life. Okay, maybe I did that 4 months ago when I took this job. One of the questions they ask is, “who you want to be your beneficiary?” Usually people put their significant other or spouses. Since I have neither, unless you count my cat Sammy, I asked the life insurance representative if I could put two names (my parents) instead of one.

In sixth grade my teacher assigned us to do a mock will. I had difficulty in deciding if I should give my rubber stamp collection to my sister or my best friend at the time. I think I gave my sister my sticker collection instead. I thought vintage Hello Kitty would be worth more. If I was to divvy up my assets today, I would have none. I don’t even have anything worth giving. Anyone want my “Felicity” DVDs?

What does this mean? Should I be a more responsible contributor to society? Should I re-evaluate my budget and save for a home? I really hope this doesn’t mean people will permanently refer to me as “ma’am.”

I know, blah, blah, blah, grow up. Everyone’s doing it. I don’t deal well with this kind of pressure. Just wait until I sign up for my 401K later this month. My head will definitely explode.

Grown men in tutus and mushroom people.

2004-06-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

How many times have I gone to Disneyland? I estimate more than twenty times, and given that I’m 23 that’s approximately one visit every year since my sister’s been born. I don’t think this is uncommon given that I live only fifteen minute away and back then tickets were probably 15 dollars for child admission. I believe a child ticket is currently over thirty dollars. Anyway, the park has inevitably lost its luster and I vowed never to go again after New Year’s Eve 2003.

This past Saturday I broke my vow and went to Disneyland with my cousins Winston and Cathy and their two children, Wyatt and Caleb ages 3 and 1 (I know, they have matching initials “W and C.” If they weren’t such a cute family and related to me I’d barf). Also along for the big day was Winston and Cathy’s friends Joe and Heidi, their two children, Jamieson (3) and Harreyson (6 months). Harreyson is pronounced Harrison, like “Harrison Ford” and is a not a boy but a girl. Hey, it’s better than having a name like Apple.

To my surprise, I had a good time.

High points

Wyatt doing “jazz hands” during the “Disney All-Star Parade”

Caleb eating cotton candy for the first time

Caleb freaking out when he saw a bird up close. Believe me, this was pure comedy.

Low point

During the “Disney All-Star Parade” I noticed non-Disney characters marching along Main Street. Apparently, audience members were asked to participate prior to the start of the parade. These volunteers were dressed in tutus and followed a Disney cast member (dressed in bright blue overalls with white clouds painted on) down the parade. Not only were they walking, but they were following the cast member and doing coordinated “dance moves.” This was so bizarre because it wasn’t just little kids, but grown ups. Grown men with their jean shorts and Tevas prancing around with what I hope was their children. Even Wyatt inquired, “Daddy? Why are there people dancing like that?” I don’t know Wyatt, I just don’t know.

The parade also featured characters I didn’t recognize. Since when was there ever a skinny godmother flying on a cloud with wings? They also had cast members dressed as not only colorful trees but mushrooms with stubby feet. Is Disney out of ideas? Were they high? Was Nemo too hard to construct?

I have to admit, this was a pretty good Disneyland outing. No sightings of a boy picking his nose and eating it. I think part of the reason it went so well was because we started late (4:00 pm) and ended early (10:00 pm). After all, I had to rush home and play a few rounds of “catchphrase” with Christina.

All is right in this world...

2004-06-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

...Creed has officially broken up according to MTVnews. That horrible, talentless, self-indulgent group posing as a "rock" band. The fact that they managed to sell millions of albums (24 million to be exact. 24 million!), truly boggles the mind.

Goodbye to those tacky music videos which feature them playing instruments on boats proclaiming the end of the world, but apparently not the end of hair care products.

So long to my sister's uncanny impersonation of their songs.

According to MTV it's not over yet. Lead singer Scott Stapp is embarking on solo album and collaborating with a hip hop producer. Oh the humanity.

Let's hope Evanescence will take a hint and break up too. Or maybe they'll think, "Hey more room for us on the Star 98.7 Bill." -Shudder-

2004-06-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

It's official, I'm a blogger. After months of subtle and not so subtle hints - I've joined this blogging craze. I hope my readers enjoy what I have in store. Okay, who am I kidding? Hi CouchBanshee! Here are few things you won't see on this blog:

No postings on what I had for lunch.

No politics, but this may change when I finally decide to read CNN.com first instead of Eonline.

Okay, that pretty much covers it. I'm a simple person. Everything else is fair game.